Today was bad. Until about 3pm, then we hit on a good balance of 'less morphine = a bit more pain but way less nausea' and then things improved.
We still have no idea where the pain is coming from. Surgery says it's not surgical which is good. Interventional Radiology says it's not related to the feeding tube placement, which is good. Beyond that they have done nothing to figure out what is really happening. So the plan is to have a hissy fit tommorrow during grand rounds and hope it accomplishes some further investigation to figure out why I'm needing round the clock morphine just to move.
The good news is I had my first plasmapheresis treatment today. So that is underway.

Onto the lessons.. I've been in hospital for the most part, since Sept 19th. That's 44 days (I was heavily medicated when I did my '50 days in the hospital the other day - forgive my math). that 1056 hours.

Thats alot of hours to kill.

So for your amusment, here is a short list of the mad skills I have honed while stuck here. I like lists.

1. I knitted a sock. just one. it took 2 weeks and I really disliked how it felt on my foot and didn't see the point of spending 2 weeks on a second sock that I didn't like. but - I knitted it... and it resembles a sock. And I used 5 knitting needles to do it which was pretty impressive.

2. I learned how to befriend health care aids and convince them to bring you their beloved Far Side book collection - bribe them with your bacon.

3. I learned how to befriend the food services dude and convince him to put bacon on your tray - bribe him with candy.

4. I have learned that, when needed, turning on the tears can get week long waiting lists shaved down to hours.

5. I have learned that befriending the cleaning lady means your floor gets mopped 3 times a day - which in a hospital is golden - just think of how disgusting the floor is.

6. I have learned that getting to know the porters on a first name basis means you get taken to your room out of qeue and ahead of all the other suckers waiting for pickup. (also - being 95lbs means that they want to push you 6 floors up as most of the other suckers waiting for pickup are pushing 200lbs and are alot more work to push)

7. I have learned how to make a compass out of a magnet, the needle from an insulin syringe, a soup bowl, and a 2"X2" piece of guaze.

8. I have learned that Far Side comics are AWESOME when you are doped on morphine.

9. I have learned that pretty much everything is AWESOME when you are doped on morphine.

10. I have learned that it's all but impossible to truly study when you have narcotics coursing through your veins. I can try... I can read, and write... but afterwards, when the drugs wear off and I try to make sense of what I read or wrote I realise it is gibberish and usually involves talk of goldfish and training wheels.

11. Salt packets are more precious in a hospital than cigarettes are in prison.. the black market here puts a heavy premium on salt packets.

12. Visitors - any visitors - even if their not your visitors - are awesome. I have learned to chat with just about any poor soul who ventures too far into my room and I catch sight of. I've gotten to know all sorts of awesome folks that work here, and many people that I think were just lost but ended up in caught in a conversation with me.

13. I have learned to play 'cotten eyed joe' and 'corn in the pan' on my fiddle.

14. I have learned how to shave my legs in a sink with crappy water pressure, while hooked up to multiple IV's and balancing between a laundry basket on wheels, and a toilet.

15. Lastly I have learned how to fall asleep in about 0.04 seconds, with all the lights on, people yelling in the hall, beepers beeping, pumps alarming, roomate snoring, and at times someone accessing my central line. Pure physical exhaustion sure does away with insomnia pretty fast.

So there's my list for tonight.

Planning on using the tear factor to get things moving on the pain front tommorrow. Hoping it's effective.

Till then...

Off to sleep soon.

Thanks for checking.



  1. I would suggest using the knitted sock for your stocking - Santa may be extra good to you knowing how much work that stocking took!! heehee! Hugs.

    Terri Tumack

  2. So you need candy (to get bacon) and salt packets,eh? Who knew so many interesting negotiations took place without your new insiders knowledge!
    Got anything on DME's??
    Maybe socks could be the new collateral ?!


  3. Good for you for keeping up the humor! I want to find out about this impromptu compass...sounds cool.
    I hope today (since it's Thursday now) gives you answers about the source of your pain. Better yet, I hope today finds you pain-free!


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