I am on the 6th floor of the hospital.

Because of 'seniority' I managed to wrangle a great window slot (they are double rooms, one has the window, one does not - a long hospital stay with no window sucks eggs.).

From my window I can see the south side of the city, which is beautiful - lots of churches, nice buildings and LOADS of trees. I can see my van in the parking lot below me, looking fairly dejected and sad.

Unfortunately, I can also see a Mcdonalds.

Yes. The-girl-who-cannot-eat is laying in a bed from which she can see the Golden Arches.

They taunt me... their glowing yellow halo talks to me at night (ok that might be partly the morphine)... I'm distracted by them during the day, my thoughts constantly lured to the delectable cheeseburger I can almost taste.

Yesterday I had a mini-meltdown on facebook about how much I would give for just a few bites of a mcdonalds cheeseburger...

Today my good friend is coming to have a lunch date with me - and she's bringing me a mcdonalds cheeseburger... I am excited at just the prospect of smelling it at this point.

Mmmmm... cheeseburger.

So - that's the state of things right now - I have degenerated into a food frenzied zombie who thinks only of the next bite of real food she has ahead of her... i can only have a bite - and I usually pay dearly for it afterwards with pain and nausea - but it's simply impossible to NOT eat at least a bit... I am definately getting a lesson in the realities of those who are starving... it's as much mentally maddening as physically awful.

Things otherwise are pretty much the same - lots of IV meds are controlling the pain and nausea and misery quite well, but we still have no idea what the source is. I amd asking for a meeting with my doc today to discuss it as I'm concerned about the fact that it's not at least improving at this point.

We'll see what he says.

I had plans this weekend I had hoped to get a pass for but it's looking increasingly unlikely at this point. A) they wont give me a pass and B) Im physically just not able to leave the hospital right now.

Im heartbroken as they were long standing plans (a hockey game wiht my boys and a social for our firehall) and I have been looking forward to them both for months.

But so it goes.

Well my cheeseburger friend should be here soon, so I will leave it at that for today...

Thanks for checking.



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