Half the Energy, Twice the Spunk

Well, as usual it's been a while.  Even with the updates being spread out, I like using this site as an easy way to keep my (very VERY large and wonderful) family up to speed.  Please - any family/friends who read this and can think of any family that might want to see it, send the link along for me.  I only have a few email addresses.


Anyways.


It's been a bumpy few months... lots of good, lots of frustrating.  The good was pretty awesome.  We got lucky twice and managed to plan 2 family trips that did not get bunged up with hospital admissions or sick kids.  In April (or May??) we drove to Minneapolis for 5 days and did the Mall of America/Science World/Museum/Ikea/Outlet stores/Mynards trip - we all loved it and desperately needed it.  We'll be paying the whole thing off until Tyler graduates but it was well well worth it!

Then, in July, in between blood infections and hospital admissions we managed to plan and actually pull off a 4 night stay at a cabin on Blue Lake (Duck Mt Park - it's on the MB and SK border).  4 days of beach, boat, fish and sun - it was wonderful!  I had the added perk of having just finished several IV courses of heavy duty steroids (whole other story) so the entire trip saw me HYPER and feeling awesome in the wake of the steroids.... it was good.

Unfortunately the rest of the time in between has been challenging.  I relapsed in June and spent a few weeks getting plasma treatments to get back into remission.  Then we upped the chemotherapy dose in the hopes that it will KEEP me in remission.  That finished up and I promptly developed a sepsis infection that saw me in and out of hospital for another 2 weeks.  Then I basically lost the will/strength to do anything more strenuous than lift a tea cup and turn a book page for 8 weeks.

Luckily, I have 2 fantastic little boys who are quite fine with a mom who has to trade bike rides and beach trips for story time and fiddle lessons.  In spite of my complete exhaustion the boys and I have had a pretty nice time just being together all summer.

Yesterday I lucked into a 'good day' (the first in weeks) where I could actually think about leaving the house, so Dave came home from work and we took the boys to Wal Mart to do their school shopping - shoes, supplies, and they each got to pick out an outfit, and their 6$ of allowance was at hand.  It was a lovely day.

So that's about it.

Right now I am sick.  not as sick as I have been - but sicker than usual.  The disease seems to be in check at the moment (knock on wood), so we're not sure if it's the side effects of the chemo, or something else altogether, but I'm worn flat out.  I'm maxed out on my pain meds and nausea meds etc and while I don't hurt (a blessing I don't take for granted), the net effect is that I am very stoned from the pain meds, and when im in that shape I cannot drive, concentrate, or accomplish alot of anything.  It's better than hurting, but it's a pretty miserable state to try and muddle through for more than a few days.  I'm on day 15 roughly.  Searching for that light at the end of the tunnel.

The boys head back to school in a few weeks, and while I'm thrilled for them (they are SOOO excited!!), I'm also really sad - I had so many things I WANTED to do with them - it's mid august and I have yet to put my feet in the sand at the beach 2 blocks from my house, and we planned on zoo trips, picnics, mini golf, carnivals, swimming lessons, bike rides, walks to the ice cream shop on Sunday evenings - and instead they spent a whole lot of time sitting around the chemo room, the ER waiting room, and our living room, watching movies because it was the only activity we could actually do TOGETHER.

I am trying really hard to stay positive and remember the 'fun' parts - but it's really hard to focus on the positive when the negative is so friggen stubborn and prevalent.

That said - I am extremely thankful to have had the chance to read my babies their bed time stories at least 90% of the bedtimes this summer.  For that I'm grateful.

Hoping the fall will bring me the stability that we've been desperate for now for 2 years.

Thankful for my 2 happy/healthy sleeping boys in their beds.